Funny Life Quotes

 

This selection of funny quotes about life take a humorous look at the world

Enjoy these funny quotes about life that perfectly encapsulate the absurdity of our existence!

Funny Quotes About Life

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. ~ Ron White

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. ~ Frank Sinatra

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. ~ Oscar Wilde

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. ~ Woody Allen

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? ~ Bob Monkhouse

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. ~ Woody Allen

In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln

If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it is lethal. ~ Paulo Coelho

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ~ Steven Wright

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. ~ Christopher Isherwood

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. ~ Chris Rock

For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. ~ Clifton Fadiman

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ~ Groucho Marx

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. ~ Steven Wright

We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. ~ Bryan White

The blurred image around your phone is called life. ~ Unknown

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. ~ Oscar Wilde

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

All generalizations are false, including this one. ~ Mark Twain

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. ~ Unknown

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? ~ Phyllis Diller

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. ~ Victor Hugo

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. ~ Oscar Wilde

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~ Lana Turner

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. ~ Laurence J. Peter

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ~ Robin Williams

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. ~ Charles Schulz

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. ~ Katharine Hepburn

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. ~ Oscar Wilde

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~ Mark Twain

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. ~ Laurence J. Peter

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. ~ Steven Wright

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. ~ Steve Martin

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. ~ Joey Adams

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. ~ Unknown

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. ~ Joe E. Lewis

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~ Mark Twain

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money? ~ Ogden Nash

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. ~ Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

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